Sometimes we’re given more to feel than we can digest in the moment. Last month my mother and I were asked to rush to the hospital where my youngest brother had been struggling for weeks with acute pancreatitis. Upon arrival we were told that he needed an emergency operation and the odds of survival were probably worse than fifty-fifty. “We’re taking him in now, but you can wish him well.”
I approached my brother with tears streaming down my face, feeling shock, grief, and anxiety. He took my hand as I told him how much I loved him and looked into his big eyes that seemed to mirror my shock. And then they took him in.
A day later my brother had survived the operation, was stable, and recovering. As I connected with a friend, I found myself going back to that moment of connection with my brother right before his operation, and letting my whole body sob. In that particular moment there had been so much to feel and so little time or capacity to feel it. But now, in connection with my friend, my system finally had the right space to feel the full rich depth of everything in that overwhelmingly intense moment – the shock, the fear, the grief, the love, the longing.
When we don’t have the space to feel intense moments fully, the feelings get held in the body. We then continue to avoid them through elaborate protective mechanisms that drain energy even when they’re running completely unconsciously. The accumulated burden of blocked feelings can leave us feeling chronically overwhelmed, distracted, or deadened. When we turn towards those feelings and let ourselves feel and express we typically feel relieved, unburdened, and fully available for the present moment again.
If you’d like loving support in returning to this natural state of unburdened ease and presence, you’re welcome to reach out for a private session. I’m deeply available to journey with you into whatever wants to be felt, no matter how intense, frightening, or coated in shame.