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Should I Try to Grow Spiritually?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized Leave a comment

Should I Try To Grow Spiritually?

 

It seems that I am not trying, which kind of scares me. Don’t I need to put in ‘effort’ to achieve? (Anon., U.S.)

We’re accustomed to struggling. Identifying problems and trying hard to solve them is, for most of us, our habitual way of life. We judge ourselves and our lives, deciding what needs to be improved, and then struggle to make reality conform with how we imagine it should look. And we typically treat spirituality as just another version of this game. We believe that we should be more spiritual, loving, and wise, then we try to make ourselves fit the image.

 

So it’s not surprising that we can find ourselves uncomfortable, even scared, when we’re invited to cease struggling. It’s tempting for us to imagine that the whole show depends on our efforts. But if we can turn our attention away from our fearful fantasies and just look at what is actually happening, we might start to realize that reality is taking care of itself.

 

This is not to say that we shouldn’t meditate, contemplate spiritual teachings, or go on retreats, but none of this need be accompanied by the slightest strain to be other than what we are. What if we don’t feel like doing any of these “spiritual activities?” Then don’t do them or do them, but there is still nothing to push towards.

 

So what if we find ourselves trying hard and struggling to grow spiritually? Should we try to change this? Should we struggle against our tendency to struggle? No. But this doesn’t mean that we should struggle against our inclination to struggle against struggling.

 

This whole game can come naturally to a stop when we witness its absurdity. This seeing of the truth and living from the truth requires no effort. Physical and mental exertion may happen at times, but we never have to make ourselves whole with our hard work. We were never less than whole. Our routine interpretation of ourselves as an incomplete work in progress is just a pattern of thinking, a tired repetitive narrative. What are you really? What is life really before we make it into a problem? If you just look at your present experience, without referring to your well-worn thoughts to give you an answer, is there anything announcing itself as needing correction?

Nonduality Versus Psychology?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized 2 Comments

Nonduality Versus Psychology?

In psychological work, I could ‘re-parent’ my inner child, acknowledge him and cherish him, bringing the feeling of wholeness. I’m not sure I’m ready for not having this inner child. On the other hand I don’t want to keep switching between the psychological point of view and nonduality and not follow through on either. What should I do? (Anon., U.S.)

When we hear nondual teachings about there being no self, nothing to do, nothing to know, etc., it can be easy to imagine that nonduality is a philosophical viewpoint that is in opposition to all our activity and all our conceptualizations surrounding these activities. How can we do re-parenting psychological work if there is no self to do it, no inner child, and nothing missing in the first place?

 

However, nonduality is not a philosophical viewpoint, and it is not in opposition to any viewpoint or activity. It is a word for the space in which all viewpoints and activity are happening. Teachings inviting us to look for a self, a need to do, or a need to know, are used to reveal what is here prior to all conceptualization. What is here prior to the thought that there is or is not a self? What is here prior to the thought that we need to do something or we don’t need to do anything?

 

Nonduality is the broader deeper truth in which all our conceptualizations and projects are happening. Nonduality doesn’t negate or oppose projects such as re-parenting or conceptualizations such as “my inner child.” It reveals the context-less context in which these are happening. It invites us to see that our concepts and projects are being made-up and allows us to appreciate that they are ultimately not necessary. And even a statement like this can be received very lightly, as just another made-up frame attempting to hint at this which is prior to all frames.

 

When we believe nonduality is in opposition to any activity it means that we are relating to nonduality as a philosophy, but as soon as we look for the meaning of nonduality we can’t find anything. What is the meaning of this moment? What is the meaning of awareness itself? As we look without finding, we might fall open to the vast openness, and yet nothing is being erased or denied. Could any thought or activity degrade this?

No Miracles in Nonduality?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized Leave a comment

No Miracles in Nonduality?

Is nonduality a neutral point, not full of enthusiasm, miracles etc.? (Marsha, IA)

 

This type of question can often come up for us when we are invited to just experience what is actually here. Many of us engage the spiritual path full of hope and enthusiasm. We’ve heard many stories of spiritual peak experiences, we may have had some ourselves, and we want those peaks.

 

An invitation to merely be with what is here can seem underwhelming, dull, not enough. It can seem to threaten our hope for something much better. Although such hope might be useful in motivating us to go beyond our normal functioning and engage in nondual work, ultimately tuning into the truth involves seeing through our hopeful imaginings just as much as our fearful ones.

 

The belief that I should be experiencing something more wonderful is just another version of the story “I don’t want what is here.” Striving for something more, something extra, a state of transcendent bliss, a white light, a miracle, is just another way to imagine reality as inadequate and struggle with it.

 

None of this means that we need to denigrate or deny the incredible beauty and bliss of peak experiences when they arise. We can fully enjoy such experiences without trying to prolong them, make meaning about them, or creating a belief that this is how it is supposed to be all the time.

 

When we are invited to be with what is here, we’re being invited to directly experience the truth prior to the mind’s interpretation. Connecting with this truth can often appear miraculous when we’re so unaccustomed to this. But, any designation of experience as a miracle or “peak experience” is just adding a thought to that which defies description.

 

What is here now prior to our thoughts about what is here? Is this enough? How do we create that this is or is not enough?

Shouldn’t I Strive to Evolve?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized Leave a comment

Shouldn’t I Strive To Evolve?

I feel it is kind of my duty to evolve, that if I strive I can be an instigator in some higher purpose. Isn’t this at odds with “accepting what is”? – Joseph, MN

 

A phrase like “accepting what is” can be a useful pointer when we are engaged in denial or caught up in a fantasy of the future. Sometimes it can serve as a useful entry point into the realization of nondual awareness. It might even be a description that we create to help share the ultimate state. However, it shouldn’t be mistaken for an ethical rule or a component in a philosphical system. For example, it is not a rule against evolving.

 

The ultimate truth is prior to any philosophy or ethic. It is prior to any set of words or phrases. No words can capture the essence of this nondual reality (as if there were also a dual reality!) because words are necessarily dualistic. Their meaning depends on a contrast with other words. There is nothing to contrast with ultimate reality. Where is non-reality? We might say “illusion,” but illusions are part of reality also.

 

Nothing ever really conflicts with nonduality because nonduality includes everything and is not a thing. So whenever we think we’re opposed to nonduality we can only be opposed to an idea or image of nonduality that we have mistaken for the truth itself.

 

So now let’s look at what’s happening for you when you believe you should be “striving to evolve.” This belief could be a useful pointer to the ultimate, a call to relax our fixation on manipulating the conditions of our life and to remember that it is possible for our awareness to expand, that there is a more evolved way of being with what is happening and that this evolution is our highest calling. This belief might interrupt a conflict with someone or something. It might lead us to relax instead of getting anxious or frustrated when we are reminded once again that we are not in control of reality.

 

Alternatively, the belief that we should be “striving to evolve” might just be another way for us to write the story of our inadequacy, yet another way to interpret ourselves as “not good enough.” It could be used to spawn judgments like “I’m not evolved enough,” “I’m not trying hard enough to evolve,” “it’s my fault I’m so unevolved.” In other words, it could be used as an invented yardstick that we use to measure ourselves against and then beat ourselves with.

 

Is believing that you should be “striving to evolve” working for you? Is it useful? Does it support you in accessing the truth or lead you deeper into the narrative of self? Either way, it is useful to appreciate that when we inquire directly into our experience we can’t find what this belief refers to. Are you evolving in this moment or not? What do you look for in your experience to answer the question? Are you striving to evolve in this moment? What effort is needed to experience your true nature right now? Is nonduality evolving?

Recognizing Your Enlightenment

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized 1 Comment

Recognizing Your Enlightenment

Awakening is when we recognize our enlightenment. When we don’t recognize our enlightenment we continue to feel to some extent like we’re not quite what we want to be or where we want to be. Some degree of such feelings is typically so familiar that we treat it as just the way things are.

 

But it is possible to be here, just as we are right now, and be perfectly at ease with whatever it is that is happening, agenda-less, effortlessly present, open and available, without resistance and without needing.

 

This ultimate state of enlightenment/nondual awareness/buddha nature/christ consciousness is easy to miss because the mind has no clue what it is. It can feel like not-knowing or no-mind, yet there is no sense of needing to know anything.

 

It is prior to interpretation, prior to naming, and prior to comparison, so even to call it enlightenment, or some other name, makes no sense because it doesn’t match up with any name, idea, or image. It cannot be reduced to any thing. “It” is not a thing.

 

And yet we can recognize this space as our natural home, the place to which we always reliably return when all our beliefs about what we are and what is happening drop away.

 

On first encountering this openness, many of us fail to just stop and relax, and instead immediately try to figure out what’s happening or try to identify some particular feeling or thought that we can focus upon and orient ourselves by.

 

When we recognize enlightenment, it gives us permission to rest without orientation, without knowing what this is or what we are. We allow ourselves to fall into the gaps between our thoughts, and just rest here without knowing where here is.

What About Everyday Life?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Uncategorized Leave a comment

What About Everyday Life?

“Living Without The Burden” (suggests) either you worry a lot or you don’t. Since most of us have real lives with jobs and families and other responsibilities – we are caught somewhere in the middle. WE have to deal with external forces all day! How do we navigate everyday life in a way that minimizes the chances for unnecessary stress and worry? – Larry, Bloomington, IN

 

Despite the widespread habit of attributing our experience (e.g.worry) to “external forces,” it’s useful to see that experiences, such as worry, are never being required by our circumstances. Psychological and spiritual work can be transformative precisely because the way we experience our “jobs, families, and responsibilities” is radically open.

 

It’s quite possible for us to experience worry in any situation. How do I know my heart isn’t about to stop beating? How can I arrange my circumstances so that I can be sure that my loved ones and I will survive the next moment? No matter how skillfully we navigate our everyday life there’s no way to set things up so that worry can’t happen.

 

Fortunately, it is also always possible for us to be free of worry regardless of circumstances. We could know that this is our last breath and exhale without worry.

 

So how can we live free of worry rather than being immersed in it? Well we can start by seeing that we don’t really need to worry about any thoughts or feelings that we label “worry”. Ultimately, there are no thoughts or feelings we need to have or avoid.

Enlightenment by Doing Nothing?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Article, Enlightenment, Practices Leave a comment

Enlightenment By Doing Nothing?

If I can become ‘enlightened’… by just being… (does this mean) everyone (is) enlightened already and no one has to do anything ever to reach the state that masters from India to Japan had after all that discipline? – Joseph, St. Paul, MN

 

When you sincerely believe that you are a spiritual seeker searching for the ulimate experience that you’ve heard other people have attained after great austerities being advised to “just sit” or “end the seeking” can seem very counter-intuitive. As seekers, we are convinced that we lack “enlightenment.”

 

Paradoxically, what we are seeking is actually the realization that there is no experience to attain and no self to attain it. “Enlightenment” is the revelation that the whole game is empty and open.

 

So does this mean that the spiritual disciplines are unnecessary? There is nothing we need to do? From the ultimate perspective, beyond all perspectives, yes!

 

However, when we find ourselves believing that we need to become something else spiritual practices can be useful. “Just sitting” and “nondual dialogue” are among the most direct practices because they quickly confront the seeker with the paradox of practicing a “non-practice.”

 

Sometimes people find practices that give us something to do more accessible. These initially collude with our habit of believing that we will become complete by doing something. If we’re watching the breath or repeating a mantra we can get into the challenge of focusing and monitor our progress. But ultimately these practices also lead us to the question: “where are we trying to get to?” How do we know if we’ve arrived?

disciplines enlightenment practices seeking

Living Without the Burden

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized Leave a comment

Living Without The Burden

A friend of my parents once somewhat critically observed of me, “what a serious young man!” In my late teens, I took this as a compliment. Life seemed to be a very serious affair. I believed I needed to get the right grades, get the right job, get the right girlfriend, know good from bad, and be only good. So many seemed to have failed at this. If I tried really hard maybe I’d get close to having a good life.

 

When we imagine our lives this way, we cannot help but feel burdened and pressured. Even if we imagine things are “going well” we feel pressed to continue our vigilance because things are always shifting about. This way of thinking makes even our “leisure” into hard work. We’ve got to work on our relationships, exercise our bodies, spend our time wisely, make sure we enjoy our weekend.

 

This belief that we’re responsible for “a self” that needs to become good, happy, wise, successful, loving, healthy, and useful creates a relentlessly oppressive burden. Some of us withdraw into depression, some of us are hounded by continuous worry, some of us blame others for our apparent failure, some of us stoically perservere hoping that we’ll get there one day. But of course, no matter what is accomplished, the self we imagine we should be never arrives.

 

But what if we don’t need to become anything? What if “me” and “my need to be something better” are just repetitive themes in the stories we tell about ourselves and the stories others tell about us? What if our existence, exactly as it is right now, doesn’t really need any justification at all?

 

What if we just take a break from the burden of believing that we’re supposed to be what we are not? What will we become? When we see that we don’t need an answer to this last question, it will stop coming up, and we’ll finally be living without the burden.

Dissolving Anxiety

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized Leave a comment

Dissolving Anxiety

Over the course of my life I’ve experienced a couple of panic attacks, but more significantly many years of my life were plagued by a familiar background anxiety. Almost every situation seemed to involve a degree of tension. It was so common that I felt it was just how life was supposed to be, my natural state.

 

Every time we believe that there is something we need to avoid or something we need to have happen this can become a source of anxiety for us. So as I’m writing this, I might think “I really don’t want to sound weird.” Then I start worrying about all the ways each sentence might be interpreted. If the fear is strong, I might even become paralyzed, agonizing over every step. Then I think “I’m too anxious to do this.” “What’s wrong with me?” “Normal people can cope with life!” “How do I get out of this?” “How can I stop it?” “Where will I be safe from this anxiety?” Thoughts like these are at the root of most anxiety and of most of the avoidant habits that develop in response, such as compulsive television viewing, gossiping, or the consumption of sedatives.

 

Thinking that there is something we need to avoid or seek typically happens very quickly when we look at anything. Then as we try to get, or get away from, something we run into the immediate problem that the self-protective/self-conscious anxiety interferes with our performance. This in turn generates more anxiety. The more we struggle the more we sink into the quicksand. The more strenously we seek safety from uncomfortable feelings and thoughts the more we suffer them. “If I could just stop thinking about…!”

 

Paradoxically, the way anxiety dissolves is through the ceasing of the struggle to end it. We turn toward our experience and give up our attempts to escape. We come to rest in awareness, available to our experience, without buying into the idea that things need to be any particular way. We become self-aware rather than self-conscious. We’re looking at what is here without judging how we’re doing or even needing to “know” why it is the way it is. We don’t even need to judge the judging or change it. Instead we bring agenda-less awareness to the entirety of experience, all the thoughts, feelings, images, and sounds.

 

As we allow ourselves to just be with whatever is arising, we start to directly realize that we are awareness. This is the discovery of our true nature and the complete dissolution of all anxiety.

Instant Salvation?

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized

Like yours, my life has not gone to plan. There have been failed marriages, poor career choices, vast amounts of energy poured into avoidance and chasing fantasies. My mind and body have been frequently captivated by anxiety, frustration, and delusion. And yet, right now we can ask “where is the damage?” “Is it here now?”

In an instant we can see that the story of “my life” is not here. Unless we go digging through memories or referring to rehearsed thoughts about ourselves, we have to admit that we can’t find anything resembling damage.

How can this be so? How can our persistant imperfections, and all the ways we’ve been foolish and messed things up, have led to this moment where we can’t find the damage? We’ve made so many mistakes, even some big ones. So often we didn’t really know what we were doing and sometimes we didn’t care. And yet here we are, in this moment, free of debris. It is like the slate is miraculously washed clean and we are instantly saved.

But of course, this is also a characterization, merely the flipside of characterizing ourselves as burdened by our past blunders. We have not really been saved from anything, and there never was a slate to be cleaned. The whole story of “my life” only exists as a repetitive theme in the movement of thoughts. As soon as we look closely at what is actually here now, prior to our thoughts about what is here, the fiction becomes transparent.

Liberation in Two Moves

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized

Liberation in Two Moves

Before the first move, we’re typically preoccupied with trying to get what we think we want from the things “out there.” We try to change our circumstances, our partner, our work, our house, etc., to conform to our desires. Unfortunately, no matter what we do, our ever-shifting desires keep moving satisfaction seemingly beyond our reach. We inevitably find ourselves suffering anxiety and frustration as we struggle with our lives.

 

Then we may ask “what causes different people to experience similar circumstances so differently?” “Why do I get upset at some event this time but not another time?” We might start to realize that it’s not “the world out there” that is really causing us to suffer or be content.

 

This fundamental realization is the first move toward liberation, and inspires spiritual and psychological work. We start to move our attention within and explore how we might bring more peace, love, and satisfaction to life. Changing ourselves becomes the new priority. This work can profoundly transform our experience of life as we become more self-aware.

 

However, we also find our habits of dissatisfaction, frustration, and anxiety show up in this new arena. We can’t seem to make “negative” thoughts stop or uncomfortable feelings disappear. We might even find ourselves becoming more self-conscious rather than self-aware.

 

Then we might ask “how can I expect to control the flow of thoughts and feelings when I can’t find their source?” “Also, where is the damage when a thought or feeling moves through awareness?” We start to realize that we can directly experience whatever thoughts and feelings show up without needing to make a problem out of them. This nondual realization liberates us from the struggle of self-improvement. This second move immediately dissolves the experience of a spiritual path and brings us to the end of our seeking. We find ourselves perfectly at ease in this moment, in our natural state, with no need to get anywhere.

 

Maybe in another moment we find ourselves thinking once again “that things need to be different,” but now we can allow that thought to just happen as it does, offering no resistance, even to any thought or feeling we might call “resistance.” We find ourselves falling open, completely available to whatever is happening, free of any need or compulsion.

The End of The Pursuit of Happiness

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized

As a child I would occasionally ask my father, “what do you want me to be when I grow up?” He would always reply, “I just want you to be happy.” That is of course what I thought I wanted also – don’t we all?

 

But what is happiness? Where is happiness? Is it simply the thought “I am happy” and similar “positive” thoughts? Is it a particular feeling in the body like a pleasurable sensation? Is it found in romantic love, professional success, or some other activity/event? But what is our experience of these beyond thoughts, feelings, images, sounds? Are you happy right now? How do you know? What do you look for as evidence of its presence or absence?

 

If we believe that happiness is any type of experience that can be present or absent, the pursuit of happiness is going to involve an ongoing struggle as we try to get more of it, intensify it, prolong it, hold onto it, or find it again. Furthermore, despite all our struggles we don’t even know what our next thought or feeling will be. We can’t experience, let alone control, their source.

 

Another possibility is that we end the pursuit. We see that the duality of happiness and its absence is just another way for us to characterize ourselves and this reality as inadequate. If you look directly at your present moment experience, your thoughts and feelings as you read these words, innocently – without an agenda to prove anything, what happens? What is here prior to characterization, interpretation, analysis? This awareness that we are is not lacking anything. We are already the ultimate end we were seeking.

Love & Gratitude

Posted on January 20, 2014 Posted in Uncategorized Leave a comment

Welcome, friends.  I was born and raised in England, but have been living in the United States since coming here to obtain my Ph.D. After some profound openings led me to experience the truth that lies beyond all my philosophies I started inquiring into spirituality and became a daily meditator.

At age 33 I left my job as a Professor to devote myself to spiritual opening in community with others. A few years later the struggle and confusion of my spiritual path fell away when I came across the nondual teachings of Peter Fenner.

I then worked with Peter to develop my capacity to share the ultimate space of nondual awareness with others. Now I’m inviting people to effortlessly open to their spontaneous compassion and natural wisdom through private coaching and work with groups.

I love supporting the flowering of nondual awareness in people’s lives and witnessing the profound shift from struggling with life to effortless presence. I feel so grateful to be revealing the natural abundance of joy, intimacy, humor, and love, that we have so often struggled to create because we imagined them scarce.

Through my coaching, retreats, workshops, and weekly group, I’ve been able to share the precious gift of nondual awareness with hundreds of people. In addition to the events I organize myself, I’ve also very happily accepted invitations to lead events sponsored by other groups and organizations, such as Western Illinois University, The Peoria Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, The Spoon River Quaker Meeting, and many more.

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