Should I Try To Grow Spiritually?

It seems that I am not trying, which kind of scares me. Don’t I need to put in ‘effort’ to achieve? (Anon., U.S.)

We’re accustomed to struggling. Identifying problems and trying hard to solve them is, for most of us, our habitual way of life. We judge ourselves and our lives, deciding what needs to be improved, and then struggle to make reality conform with how we imagine it should look. And we typically treat spirituality as just another version of this game. We believe that we should be more spiritual, loving, and wise, then we try to make ourselves fit the image.

So it’s not surprising that we can find ourselves uncomfortable, even scared, when we’re invited to cease struggling. It’s tempting for us to imagine that the whole show depends on our efforts. But if we can turn our attention away from our fearful fantasies and just look at what is actually happening, we might start to realize that reality is taking care of itself.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t meditate, contemplate spiritual teachings, or go on retreats, but none of this need be accompanied by the slightest strain to be other than what we are. What if we don’t feel like doing any of these “spiritual activities?” Then don’t do them or do them, but there is still nothing to push towards.

So what if we find ourselves trying hard and struggling to grow spiritually? Should we try to change this? Should we struggle against our tendency to struggle? No. But this doesn’t mean that we should struggle against our inclination to struggle against struggling.

This whole game can come naturally to a stop when we witness its absurdity. This seeing of the truth and living from the truth requires no effort. Physical and mental exertion may happen at times, but we never have to make ourselves whole with our hard work. We were never less than whole. Our routine interpretation of ourselves as an incomplete work in progress is just a pattern of thinking, a tired repetitive narrative. What are you really? What is life really before we make it into a problem? If you just look at your present experience, without referring to your well-worn thoughts to give you an answer, is there anything announcing itself as needing correction?

Nonduality Versus Psychology?

In psychological work, I could ‘re-parent’ my inner child, acknowledge him and cherish him, bringing the feeling of wholeness. I’m not sure I’m ready for not having this inner child. On the other hand I don’t want to keep switching between the psychological point of view and nonduality and not follow through on either. What should I do? (Anon., U.S.)

When we hear nondual teachings about there being no self, nothing to do, nothing to know, etc., it can be easy to imagine that nonduality is a philosophical viewpoint that is in opposition to all our activity and all our conceptualizations surrounding these activities. How can we do re-parenting psychological work if there is no self to do it, no inner child, and nothing missing in the first place?

However, nonduality is not a philosophical viewpoint, and it is not in opposition to any viewpoint or activity. It is a word for the space in which all viewpoints and activity are happening. Teachings inviting us to look for a self, a need to do, or a need to know, are used to reveal what is here prior to all conceptualization. What is here prior to the thought that there is or is not a self? What is here prior to the thought that we need to do something or we don’t need to do anything?

Nonduality is the broader deeper truth in which all our conceptualizations and projects are happening. Nonduality doesn’t negate or oppose projects such as re-parenting or conceptualizations such as “my inner child.” It reveals the context-less context in which these are happening. It invites us to see that our concepts and projects are being made-up and allows us to appreciate that they are ultimately not necessary. And even a statement like this can be received very lightly, as just another made-up frame attempting to hint at this which is prior to all frames.

When we believe nonduality is in opposition to any activity it means that we are relating to nonduality as a philosophy, but as soon as we look for the meaning of nonduality we can’t find anything. What is the meaning of this moment? What is the meaning of awareness itself? As we look without finding, we might fall open to the vast openness, and yet nothing is being erased or denied. Could any thought or activity degrade this?

No Miracles in Nonduality?

Is nonduality a neutral point, not full of enthusiasm, miracles etc.? (Marsha, IA)

This type of question can often come up for us when we are invited to just experience what is actually here. Many of us engage the spiritual path full of hope and enthusiasm. We’ve heard many stories of spiritual peak experiences, we may have had some ourselves, and we want those peaks.

An invitation to merely be with what is here can seem underwhelming, dull, not enough. It can seem to threaten our hope for something much better. Although such hope might be useful in motivating us to go beyond our normal functioning and engage in nondual work, ultimately tuning into the truth involves seeing through our hopeful imaginings just as much as our fearful ones.

The belief that I should be experiencing something more wonderful is just another version of the story “I don’t want what is here.” Striving for something more, something extra, a state of transcendent bliss, a white light, a miracle, is just another way to imagine reality as inadequate and struggle with it.

None of this means that we need to denigrate or deny the incredible beauty and bliss of peak experiences when they arise. We can fully enjoy such experiences without trying to prolong them, make meaning about them, or creating a belief that this is how it is supposed to be all the time.

When we are invited to be with what is here, we’re being invited to directly experience the truth prior to the mind’s interpretation. Connecting with this truth can often appear miraculous when we’re so unaccustomed to this. But, any designation of experience as a miracle or “peak experience” is just adding a thought to that which defies description.

What is here now prior to our thoughts about what is here? Is this enough? How do we create that this is or is not enough?

Shouldn’t I Strive To Evolve?

I feel it is kind of my duty to evolve, that if I strive I can be an instigator in some higher purpose. Isn’t this at odds with “accepting what is”? – Joseph, MN

A phrase like “accepting what is” can be a useful pointer when we are engaged in denial or caught up in a fantasy of the future. Sometimes it can serve as a useful entry point into the realization of nondual awareness. It might even be a description that we create to help share the ultimate state. However, it shouldn’t be mistaken for an ethical rule or a component in a philosphical system. For example, it is not a rule against evolving.

The ultimate truth is prior to any philosophy or ethic. It is prior to any set of words or phrases. No words can capture the essence of this nondual reality (as if there were also a dual reality!) because words are necessarily dualistic. Their meaning depends on a contrast with other words. There is nothing to contrast with ultimate reality. Where is non-reality? We might say “illusion,” but illusions are part of reality also.

Nothing ever really conflicts with nonduality because nonduality includes everything and is not a thing. So whenever we think we’re opposed to nonduality we can only be opposed to an idea or image of nonduality that we have mistaken for the truth itself.

So now let’s look at what’s happening for you when you believe you should be “striving to evolve.” This belief could be a useful pointer to the ultimate, a call to relax our fixation on manipulating the conditions of our life and to remember that it is possible for our awareness to expand, that there is a more evolved way of being with what is happening and that this evolution is our highest calling. This belief might interrupt a conflict with someone or something. It might lead us to relax instead of getting anxious or frustrated when we are reminded once again that we are not in control of reality.

Alternatively, the belief that we should be “striving to evolve” might just be another way for us to write the story of our inadequacy, yet another way to interpret ourselves as “not good enough.” It could be used to spawn judgments like “I’m not evolved enough,” “I’m not trying hard enough to evolve,” “it’s my fault I’m so unevolved.” In other words, it could be used as an invented yardstick that we use to measure ourselves against and then beat ourselves with.

Is believing that you should be “striving to evolve” working for you? Is it useful? Does it support you in accessing the truth or lead you deeper into the narrative of self? Either way, it is useful to appreciate that when we inquire directly into our experience we can’t find what this belief refers to. Are you evolving in this moment or not? What do you look for in your experience to answer the question? Are you striving to evolve in this moment? What effort is needed to experience your true nature right now? Is nonduality evolving?

Recognizing Your Enlightenment

Awakening is when we recognize our enlightenment. When we don’t recognize our enlightenment we continue to feel to some extent like we’re not quite what we want to be or where we want to be. Some degree of such feelings is typically so familiar that we treat it as just the way things are.

But it is possible to be here, just as we are right now, and be perfectly at ease with whatever it is that is happening, agenda-less, effortlessly present, open and available, without resistance and without needing.

This ultimate state of enlightenment/nondual awareness/buddha nature/christ consciousness is easy to miss because the mind has no clue what it is. It can feel like not-knowing or no-mind, yet there is no sense of needing to know anything.

It is prior to interpretation, prior to naming, and prior to comparison, so even to call it enlightenment, or some other name, makes no sense because it doesn’t match up with any name, idea, or image. It cannot be reduced to any thing. “It” is not a thing.

And yet we can recognize this space as our natural home, the place to which we always reliably return when all our beliefs about what we are and what is happening drop away.

On first encountering this openness, many of us fail to just stop and relax, and instead immediately try to figure out what’s happening or try to identify some particular feeling or thought that we can focus upon and orient ourselves by.

When we recognize enlightenment, it gives us permission to rest without orientation, without knowing what this is or what we are. We allow ourselves to fall into the gaps between our thoughts, and just rest here without knowing where here is.

What About Everyday Life?

“Living Without The Burden” (suggests) either you worry a lot or you don’t. Since most of us have real lives with jobs and families and other responsibilities – we are caught somewhere in the middle. WE have to deal with external forces all day! How do we navigate everyday life in a way that minimizes the chances for unnecessary stress and worry? – Larry, Bloomington, IN

Despite the widespread habit of attributing our experience (e.g.worry) to “external forces,” it’s useful to see that experiences, such as worry, are never being required by our circumstances. Psychological and spiritual work can be transformative precisely because the way we experience our “jobs, families, and responsibilities” is radically open.

It’s quite possible for us to experience worry in any situation. How do I know my heart isn’t about to stop beating? How can I arrange my circumstances so that I can be sure that my loved ones and I will survive the next moment? No matter how skillfully we navigate our everyday life there’s no way to set things up so that worry can’t happen.

Fortunately, it is also always possible for us to be free of worry regardless of circumstances. We could know that this is our last breath and exhale without worry.

So how can we live free of worry rather than being immersed in it? Well we can start by seeing that we don’t really need to worry about any thoughts or feelings that we label “worry”. Ultimately, there are no thoughts or feelings we need to have or avoid.