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Liberation in Two Moves

Before the first move, we’re typically preoccupied with trying to get what we think we want from the things “out there.” We try to change our circumstances, our partner, our work, our house, etc., to conform to our desires. Unfortunately, no matter what we do, our ever-shifting desires keep moving satisfaction seemingly beyond our reach. We inevitably find ourselves suffering anxiety and frustration as we struggle with our lives.

Then we may ask “what causes different people to experience similar circumstances so differently?” “Why do I get upset at some event this time but not another time?” We might start to realize that it’s not “the world out there” that is really causing us to suffer or be content.

This fundamental realization is the first move toward liberation, and inspires spiritual and psychological work. We start to move our attention within and explore how we might bring more peace, love, and satisfaction to life. Changing ourselves becomes the new priority. This work can profoundly transform our experience of life as we become more self-aware.

However, we also find our habits of dissatisfaction, frustration, and anxiety show up in this new arena. We can’t seem to make “negative” thoughts stop or uncomfortable feelings disappear. We might even find ourselves becoming more self-conscious rather than self-aware.

Then we might ask “how can I expect to control the flow of thoughts and feelings when I can’t find their source?” “Also, where is the damage when a thought or feeling moves through awareness?” We start to realize that we can directly experience whatever thoughts and feelings show up without needing to make a problem out of them. This nondual realization liberates us from the struggle of self-improvement. This second move immediately dissolves the experience of a spiritual path and brings us to the end of our seeking. We find ourselves perfectly at ease in this moment, in our natural state, with no need to get anywhere.

Maybe in another moment we find ourselves thinking once again “that things need to be different,” but now we can allow that thought to just happen as it does, offering no resistance, even to any thought or feeling we might call “resistance.” We find ourselves falling open, completely available to whatever is happening, free of any need or compulsion.

As a child I would occasionally ask my father, “what do you want me to be when I grow up?” He would always reply, “I just want you to be happy.” That is of course what I thought I wanted also – don’t we all?

But what is happiness? Where is happiness? Is it simply the thought “I am happy” and similar “positive” thoughts? Is it a particular feeling in the body like a pleasurable sensation? Is it found in romantic love, professional success, or some other activity/event? But what is our experience of these beyond thoughts, feelings, images, sounds? Are you happy right now? How do you know? What do you look for as evidence of its presence or absence?

If we believe that happiness is any type of experience that can be present or absent, the pursuit of happiness is going to involve an ongoing struggle as we try to get more of it, intensify it, prolong it, hold onto it, or find it again. Furthermore, despite all our struggles we don’t even know what our next thought or feeling will be. We can’t experience, let alone control, their source.

Another possibility is that we end the pursuit. We see that the duality of happiness and its absence is just another way for us to characterize ourselves and this reality as inadequate. If you look directly at your present moment experience, your thoughts and feelings as you read these words, innocently – without an agenda to prove anything, what happens? What is here prior to characterization, interpretation, analysis? This awareness that we are is not lacking anything. We are already the ultimate end we were seeking.

Welcome, friends.  I was born and raised in England, but have been living in the United States since coming here to obtain my Ph.D. After some profound openings led me to experience the truth that lies beyond all my philosophies I started inquiring into spirituality and became a daily meditator.

At age 33 I left my job as a Professor to devote myself to spiritual opening in community with others. A few years later the struggle and confusion of my spiritual path fell away when I came across the nondual teachings of Peter Fenner.

I then worked with Peter to develop my capacity to share the ultimate space of nondual awareness with others. Now I’m inviting people to effortlessly open to their spontaneous compassion and natural wisdom through private coaching and work with groups.

I love supporting the flowering of nondual awareness in people’s lives and witnessing the profound shift from struggling with life to effortless presence. I feel so grateful to be revealing the natural abundance of joy, intimacy, humor, and love, that we have so often struggled to create because we imagined them scarce.

Through my coaching, retreats, workshops, and weekly group, I’ve been able to share the precious gift of nondual awareness with hundreds of people. In addition to the events I organize myself, I’ve also very happily accepted invitations to lead events sponsored by other groups and organizations, such as Western Illinois University, The Peoria Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, The Spoon River Quaker Meeting, and many more.